Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Things I Hate

 - I hate that over-dramatized sound of beer being poured into a glass in those commercials during football games.

- I hate the word "Gianormous". It's either Giant or Enormous.

- I hate it when some lady argues over a 35 cent coupon in the speed checkout line.

- I hate gymnasts who park in the handicap space.

- I hate when people use "loan" as a verb - like - "Loan me the money." It's "lend" you fool.

- I hate taking a poop in a toilet with no water - a dry toilet bomb.

- I hate people who "wingman" me for six miles on the freeway.

- I hate that there's no warning label of extreme flatulence on Fiber One cereal boxes.

- I hate that one McFish sandwich in the refiderator will make everything smell like McFish.

- I hate when a person I've seen a few times and clearly recognizes me, pretends they don't.

- I hate people who think that all my problems stem because I don't pray.

- I hate when men use the base of a cold beer bottle to cool their testicles, thus giving the impression the bottle is now their penis.

- I hate that people think Call of Duty is a game.

- I hate people who protest the destruction of our environment with one hand clenched in a fist and the other holding a mocha latte from Starbucks.

- I hate that people think the The Star-Spangled Banner is from the Revolutionary War.

- I hate that my toenails grow in weird directions.

- I hate that I have primitive feet.

- I hate kilts at weddings. I mean you're not all that ..

- I hate when my whole leg goes completely numb because I've been playing Zombie Gunship on the toilet too long. Then when I stand up, I immediately fall into the sink, dropping my iPhone into the toilet.

- I hate when men make a football reference when they're feeling uncomfortable about the masculinity of their environment.

- I hate being told, "Don't talk to me" while doing improv.

- I hate when a crazy person comes up to me on the street, pretends his hand is a gun and shoots me.

- I hate when people don't know the difference between "oral" and "verbal".

- I hate touching someone else's keyboard or mouse.

- I hate using a friend's bathroom and there's a dirty magazine on the floor.

- I hate when my father needs help on the computer.

- I hate Twilight.

- I hate that everyone thinks that Harry Potter is all that and don't realize it's just a derivation of "The Once and Future King", which is a vastly superior book.

- I hate people who jog in Las Vegas when it's a 110 degrees.

- I hate when an eighteen-year-old Mormon Missionary tries to tell me the meaning of life. Really .. and he's from some small town in Idaho.

- I hate poor people who think that one day they'll be rich.

- I hate rich people who never were poor.

- I hate when telemarketing companies use "ACCEPTCALL" as their caller ID.

- I hate people who blast a wet, uncovered sneeze in the air while walking directly in front of you.

- I hate when women put their open hand on their chest when they hear something nauseatingly sentimental.

- I hate people who smell their food.

- I hate people who think paintball is like real war.

- I hate the Pain Scale Faces.

- I hate undiagnosed rashes or lumps

- I hate the prefix - UBER

- I hate the smell of a stainless steel bowl after you scrubbed it clean.

- I hate the smell of small children after they've been running around the playground all day. They smell like rusted pennies.

- I hate that I'm slowly going bald. I wish my skull would make up it's mind.

- I hate when something awful gets stuck under my fingernail.

- I hate when I forget someone's name and I end up calling them dude or guy, cause I am too embarrassed to ask.

- I hate when people try to explain their painting or picture to me. "Step back Chief and let me take a look without your biased bullshit."

- I hate that people think that Ruth Chris Steak House is fine dining.

- I hate that waiters always push alcohol with every meal. Like getting drunk is going to mask the awfulness of this crap shack.

I hate MS

Copyright 2011 Cram / Kmuzu - All rights reserved.

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