Showing posts with label hate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hate. Show all posts

Monday, October 17, 2011

Somebody's Calling Me


I hate the phone. I mean I really hate the whole technology of telecommunication. I just want to take a bat and smash my phone into little tiny bits and then throw it down the garbage disposal along with a picture of Alexander Graham Bell.

The prefix that I live in must be very susceptible to telemarketers. Actually my neighborhood is quite diverse. I'm only one of three white guys. The rest are (in order of greatest number) Filipino, Chinese, Mexican, Hawaiian and Tongan. Everyone is very friendly and helpful and I can't seem to think of any of them being particularly gullible - unless it has to do with Spam (Hawaiians and Tongans are nuts for the canned meat).

Maybe I'm the target. Probably, it's because I signed up for a free vacation in 1987 and my name and number have been rotating through the infomercial cycle ever since.

I must receive at least fifteen calls a day from telemarketers. Usually, they don't even have the common curtsey to put their name on the caller ID. Most times it just says, "Florida" or "Nebraska". There are some who put their own subliminal message on the ID like, "Pick UP" or "Accept Accept Accept".

Doesn't matter if I put my name on some national do-not-call list or if I scream at the telemarketer person - they just keep on calling.

I beg you Lords of the Wire, please stop the calling .. please go away and leave me to my misery.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Things I Hate

 - I hate that over-dramatized sound of beer being poured into a glass in those commercials during football games.

- I hate the word "Gianormous". It's either Giant or Enormous.

- I hate it when some lady argues over a 35 cent coupon in the speed checkout line.

- I hate gymnasts who park in the handicap space.

- I hate when people use "loan" as a verb - like - "Loan me the money." It's "lend" you fool.

- I hate taking a poop in a toilet with no water - a dry toilet bomb.

- I hate people who "wingman" me for six miles on the freeway.

- I hate that there's no warning label of extreme flatulence on Fiber One cereal boxes.

- I hate that one McFish sandwich in the refiderator will make everything smell like McFish.

- I hate when a person I've seen a few times and clearly recognizes me, pretends they don't.

- I hate people who think that all my problems stem because I don't pray.

- I hate when men use the base of a cold beer bottle to cool their testicles, thus giving the impression the bottle is now their penis.

- I hate that people think Call of Duty is a game.

- I hate people who protest the destruction of our environment with one hand clenched in a fist and the other holding a mocha latte from Starbucks.

- I hate that people think the The Star-Spangled Banner is from the Revolutionary War.

- I hate that my toenails grow in weird directions.

- I hate that I have primitive feet.

- I hate kilts at weddings. I mean you're not all that ..

- I hate when my whole leg goes completely numb because I've been playing Zombie Gunship on the toilet too long. Then when I stand up, I immediately fall into the sink, dropping my iPhone into the toilet.

- I hate when men make a football reference when they're feeling uncomfortable about the masculinity of their environment.

- I hate being told, "Don't talk to me" while doing improv.

- I hate when a crazy person comes up to me on the street, pretends his hand is a gun and shoots me.

- I hate when people don't know the difference between "oral" and "verbal".

- I hate touching someone else's keyboard or mouse.

- I hate using a friend's bathroom and there's a dirty magazine on the floor.

- I hate when my father needs help on the computer.

- I hate Twilight.

- I hate that everyone thinks that Harry Potter is all that and don't realize it's just a derivation of "The Once and Future King", which is a vastly superior book.

- I hate people who jog in Las Vegas when it's a 110 degrees.

- I hate when an eighteen-year-old Mormon Missionary tries to tell me the meaning of life. Really .. and he's from some small town in Idaho.

- I hate poor people who think that one day they'll be rich.

- I hate rich people who never were poor.

- I hate when telemarketing companies use "ACCEPTCALL" as their caller ID.

- I hate people who blast a wet, uncovered sneeze in the air while walking directly in front of you.

- I hate when women put their open hand on their chest when they hear something nauseatingly sentimental.

- I hate people who smell their food.

- I hate people who think paintball is like real war.

- I hate the Pain Scale Faces.


- I hate undiagnosed rashes or lumps

- I hate the prefix - UBER

- I hate the smell of a stainless steel bowl after you scrubbed it clean.

- I hate the smell of small children after they've been running around the playground all day. They smell like rusted pennies.

- I hate that I'm slowly going bald. I wish my skull would make up it's mind.

- I hate when something awful gets stuck under my fingernail.

- I hate when I forget someone's name and I end up calling them dude or guy, cause I am too embarrassed to ask.

- I hate when people try to explain their painting or picture to me. "Step back Chief and let me take a look without your biased bullshit."

- I hate that people think that Ruth Chris Steak House is fine dining.

- I hate that waiters always push alcohol with every meal. Like getting drunk is going to mask the awfulness of this crap shack.

I hate MS

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