Well, had a bad round with MS over the winter break .. but feeling better .. so look for more post on the great EiMB network soon .. like tomorrow .. really.
Showing posts with label MS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MS. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Friday, September 2, 2011
What the Telemarketer Heard
Last night I killed my computer. I was playing a little World of Warcraft when a telemarketer called. Now I have MS, which causes this condition called "Startle Reflex". Basically, I jump out of my skin at any loud noises.
I just finished talking to a friend and placed the phone back onto the receiver when it immediately started ringing. For some reason, this startled me and my hand flung to the side knocking the phone off the hook and flinging a full can of diet Dr. Pepper off the table and onto the top of my computer.
It was a perfect shot. The can was completely upside down over the top fan, wedged between two plastic rims. About 8 oz of soda, drained into the fan. The fan sprayed the liquid all over the motherboard, until it shorted out. The liquid then poured into and out of the CPU, then across the memory and the video card and finally pooling in the power supply.
There was a shrill beep, some sparks and smoke and that was it. By the time, I got out of my chair and to the computer it was dead.
The phone was off the hook and the telemarketer heard the whole thing. This is the event from the telemarketer's perspective:
******
Ring - The phone is off the hook and there is a large crash.
(I've replaced all the swear words with something more PG rated)
(Another large bang)
Me: "Fudge .. oh my God .. oh Fudge, Fudge, Fudge .. Fudge, Shucks, Fudge"
Telemarketer: Hello .. Hello ..
(There is another large bang, as I am trying to quickly get up from my chair to the computer)
Telemarketer: Hello - may I speak with ..
Me: Oh my God, what have I fudgein' done. Are you alright baby?"
Telemarketer: "Hello, is everything okay?"
Me: "Come on baby, fudging speak to me. Please .. please .. don't fudging do this. God, shucks darn it, I think I killed you."
Telemarketer: "Sir, are you there?"
Me: "God darn it. How could I've been so stupid? I didn't mean it baby, please be okay." (another bang as I tip the computer over, diet Dr. Pepper pours out all over the floor) "Shucks, Fudge, Muther Fudger, I've stained the whole fudging carpet. Now, I've done it. The whole fudging carpet is fudging ruined. How am going to get that fudging stain out?"
Telemarketer: "Ah sir."
Me: "Fudge, this is just fudging perfect. I can't pay for this man."
(I notice the phone off the hook and remember it was the call that caused this whole thing to happen. I grab the receiver.)
Me: "Who the fudge is this?"
Telemarketer: "Is everything okay."
Me: "No, everything isn't fudging okay. She's dead and it's your fault. What's your fudging name?"
CLICK.
I went to Fry's Electronics this morning and replaced almost all of the components to my computer. Fortunately, the hard drives were not damaged.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Things I Hate
- I hate that over-dramatized sound of beer being poured into a glass in those commercials during football games.
- I hate the word "Gianormous". It's either Giant or Enormous.
- I hate it when some lady argues over a 35 cent coupon in the speed checkout line.
- I hate gymnasts who park in the handicap space.
- I hate when people use "loan" as a verb - like - "Loan me the money." It's "lend" you fool.
- I hate taking a poop in a toilet with no water - a dry toilet bomb.
- I hate people who "wingman" me for six miles on the freeway.
- I hate that there's no warning label of extreme flatulence on Fiber One cereal boxes.
- I hate that one McFish sandwich in the refiderator will make everything smell like McFish.
- I hate when a person I've seen a few times and clearly recognizes me, pretends they don't.
- I hate people who think that all my problems stem because I don't pray.
- I hate when men use the base of a cold beer bottle to cool their testicles, thus giving the impression the bottle is now their penis.
- I hate that people think Call of Duty is a game.
- I hate people who protest the destruction of our environment with one hand clenched in a fist and the other holding a mocha latte from Starbucks.
- I hate that people think the The Star-Spangled Banner is from the Revolutionary War.
- I hate that my toenails grow in weird directions.
- I hate that I have primitive feet.
- I hate kilts at weddings. I mean you're not all that ..
- I hate when my whole leg goes completely numb because I've been playing Zombie Gunship on the toilet too long. Then when I stand up, I immediately fall into the sink, dropping my iPhone into the toilet.
- I hate when men make a football reference when they're feeling uncomfortable about the masculinity of their environment.
- I hate being told, "Don't talk to me" while doing improv.
- I hate when a crazy person comes up to me on the street, pretends his hand is a gun and shoots me.
- I hate when people don't know the difference between "oral" and "verbal".
- I hate touching someone else's keyboard or mouse.
- I hate using a friend's bathroom and there's a dirty magazine on the floor.
- I hate when my father needs help on the computer.
- I hate Twilight.
- I hate that everyone thinks that Harry Potter is all that and don't realize it's just a derivation of "The Once and Future King", which is a vastly superior book.
- I hate people who jog in Las Vegas when it's a 110 degrees.
- I hate when an eighteen-year-old Mormon Missionary tries to tell me the meaning of life. Really .. and he's from some small town in Idaho.
- I hate poor people who think that one day they'll be rich.
- I hate rich people who never were poor.
- I hate when telemarketing companies use "ACCEPTCALL" as their caller ID.
- I hate people who blast a wet, uncovered sneeze in the air while walking directly in front of you.
- I hate when women put their open hand on their chest when they hear something nauseatingly sentimental.
- I hate people who smell their food.
- I hate people who think paintball is like real war.
- I hate the Pain Scale Faces.
- I hate undiagnosed rashes or lumps
- I hate the prefix - UBER
- I hate the smell of a stainless steel bowl after you scrubbed it clean.
- I hate the smell of small children after they've been running around the playground all day. They smell like rusted pennies.
- I hate that I'm slowly going bald. I wish my skull would make up it's mind.
- I hate when something awful gets stuck under my fingernail.
- I hate when I forget someone's name and I end up calling them dude or guy, cause I am too embarrassed to ask.
- I hate when people try to explain their painting or picture to me. "Step back Chief and let me take a look without your biased bullshit."
- I hate that people think that Ruth Chris Steak House is fine dining.
- I hate that waiters always push alcohol with every meal. Like getting drunk is going to mask the awfulness of this crap shack.
I hate MS
Copyright 2011 Cram / Kmuzu - All rights reserved.
- I hate the word "Gianormous". It's either Giant or Enormous.
- I hate it when some lady argues over a 35 cent coupon in the speed checkout line.
- I hate gymnasts who park in the handicap space.- I hate when people use "loan" as a verb - like - "Loan me the money." It's "lend" you fool.
- I hate taking a poop in a toilet with no water - a dry toilet bomb.
- I hate people who "wingman" me for six miles on the freeway.
- I hate that there's no warning label of extreme flatulence on Fiber One cereal boxes.
- I hate that one McFish sandwich in the refiderator will make everything smell like McFish.- I hate when a person I've seen a few times and clearly recognizes me, pretends they don't.
- I hate people who think that all my problems stem because I don't pray.
- I hate when men use the base of a cold beer bottle to cool their testicles, thus giving the impression the bottle is now their penis.
- I hate that people think Call of Duty is a game.
- I hate people who protest the destruction of our environment with one hand clenched in a fist and the other holding a mocha latte from Starbucks.
- I hate that people think the The Star-Spangled Banner is from the Revolutionary War.
- I hate that my toenails grow in weird directions.
- I hate that I have primitive feet.
- I hate kilts at weddings. I mean you're not all that ..
- I hate when my whole leg goes completely numb because I've been playing Zombie Gunship on the toilet too long. Then when I stand up, I immediately fall into the sink, dropping my iPhone into the toilet.
- I hate when men make a football reference when they're feeling uncomfortable about the masculinity of their environment.
- I hate being told, "Don't talk to me" while doing improv.
- I hate when a crazy person comes up to me on the street, pretends his hand is a gun and shoots me.
- I hate when people don't know the difference between "oral" and "verbal".
- I hate touching someone else's keyboard or mouse.
- I hate using a friend's bathroom and there's a dirty magazine on the floor.
- I hate when my father needs help on the computer.
- I hate Twilight.
- I hate that everyone thinks that Harry Potter is all that and don't realize it's just a derivation of "The Once and Future King", which is a vastly superior book.
- I hate people who jog in Las Vegas when it's a 110 degrees.
- I hate when an eighteen-year-old Mormon Missionary tries to tell me the meaning of life. Really .. and he's from some small town in Idaho.
- I hate poor people who think that one day they'll be rich.
- I hate rich people who never were poor.
- I hate when telemarketing companies use "ACCEPTCALL" as their caller ID.
- I hate people who blast a wet, uncovered sneeze in the air while walking directly in front of you.
- I hate when women put their open hand on their chest when they hear something nauseatingly sentimental.
- I hate people who smell their food.
- I hate people who think paintball is like real war.
- I hate the Pain Scale Faces.
- I hate undiagnosed rashes or lumps
- I hate the prefix - UBER
- I hate the smell of a stainless steel bowl after you scrubbed it clean.
- I hate the smell of small children after they've been running around the playground all day. They smell like rusted pennies.
- I hate that I'm slowly going bald. I wish my skull would make up it's mind.
- I hate when something awful gets stuck under my fingernail.
- I hate when I forget someone's name and I end up calling them dude or guy, cause I am too embarrassed to ask.
- I hate when people try to explain their painting or picture to me. "Step back Chief and let me take a look without your biased bullshit."
- I hate that people think that Ruth Chris Steak House is fine dining.
- I hate that waiters always push alcohol with every meal. Like getting drunk is going to mask the awfulness of this crap shack.
I hate MS
Copyright 2011 Cram / Kmuzu - All rights reserved.
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