This time of year is hard for me. Football is long over - even the NFL Draft has come and gone. I'm not really that into pro-basketball. Although it looks great on HDTV, NASCAR doesn't really do it for me. Baseball is okay if you go and see the game, but on television it is just boring.
So when my backyard finally overcomes my neglect and produces the yearly artichoke - well I kind of choke up upon seeing the artichoke. This is picture of the 2011 first bumper crop. Here is the main choke in all its baby glory.
I'm not sure who wrote this but it wasn't me. I can't find the author's name but I found the post "Things to Remember" ---> here
My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. Actually, on second thought I'll shoot him, then say "No."
After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such.
I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
One of my advisers will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
When I employ people as advisers, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot-soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super-weapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
If an adviser says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the adviser.
If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh Powerbooks.
If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
My five-year-old child adviser will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
If my advisers ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable super-weapon on them.
I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisers assure me it is impossible for them to win.
When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old adviser can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
After I capture the hero's super-weapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.
If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
On my computers, a small error such as and illogical statement or damage to an input device will not cause the computer to explode. If one computer explodes, none of the rest of my computers will explode. If any of my computers explode, this will not cause my master power generators to explode destroying my entire fortress.
If I am going to set off an explosion to destroy my opponents it won't have a big display showing how many seconds until the explosion. The explosion will just go off when I press the button.
I did not watch the royal wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton. Here in Vegas - the unofficial Kingdom of America - it happened like at four in morning and I wasn't really that into it. Quite frankly, I was more interested in the NFL draft.
I'm remember Diana's wedding and that was the last of any kind of marketing-fairytale spin on the dignity and stature of the Royal Family. I'm going to tell you an American secret. The Royal Family - and really English royalty in general is a much bigger deal in the United States than in England. We are totally nuts about it .. the whole idea of it.
I really can't put my finger on why that is, but Americans, in general - have this weird fantasy about kings and queens - dukes, earls, knights. I think it has to do with the mythology and fiction we are exposed to as kids. Just look at where Disney has taken the whole idea of a monarchy.
It's strange and bizarre that with all this American good will toward the royal family, Queen Elizabeth and Charles have been so focused on destroying and alienating that relationship. Maybe it's jealousy; Diana was the real royal to us and the Windsor are the impostors. As Americans, we see no reason why the monarchy has to be restricted to a set of families - If it were done here - the process would be a reality show and we'd just vote for the best queen - kind of like RuPaul.
Americans identify with Diana and we just try to forget Elizabeth and Charles even exist. Really, we can't wait to completely leap-frog over those two and get right on with William. And in our collective mind, Williams will be king because of Diana's DNA not Charles'.
Probably that's why more Americans watched the wedding than the Brits. Williams and Harry are our kind of royals. You could grab a beer with Bill and Harry. With Elizabeth and Charles it would take a week to remove the upidty-mojo stank from your house.
A very talented reporter, Andrew Taylor interviewed me last week on an EIMB post I wrote concerning HOA's and the death to originality in Las Vegas.
The View is a community-based newspaper that is published in conjunction with Las Vegas' main newspaper, The Review Journal.
Thank you Andrew for interviewing me and writing such an excellent story. And thank you very much for linking my website. I shall make you a duke in the EIMB empire.
This is pretty much "game over" for the Sony Playstation. I can't think of a worse thing to happen to a video game console company. I guess other than a giant earthquake, tsunami and nuclear meltdown happening in next to your corporate and design headquarters. Read the Article at HuffingtonPost
I have quite a few friends that are in their twenties and thirties - It's just how I roll - I refuse to grow old. Anyway, there are a lot movies that never made the top ten or top hundred list that are really great and it's shame that these darn kids don't know about them .. so here's my list of Nonrequired Movies.
Also - if you Stumble Upon, please if you like what you're reading give me a thumbs-up. It helps.
I think this one of Hitchcock's best films. It stars Cary Grant, Claude Rains and a mysterious Ingrid Bergman. It's a spy thriller, where a Bergman has to double-cross her father's Nazi buddies who are operating out of Rio after the war. Ingrid Bergman play a great - naughty girl.
This is one of my favorite WW II movies. It's a comedy about a group of U.S. soldiers sneaks across enemy lines to get their hands on a secret stash of Nazi gold. There is an amazing list of stars in this movie from the protagonist - Clint Eastwood to Donald Sutherland, Telly Savalas, Don Rickles, and Carroll O'Connor.
This was an 80's film that took place in the 60's. Matt Dillon plays a kid who just finished high school and doesn't know what to do with his future. He comes from a working class family and for the summer he gets a taste of the good life by working at a swank beach club - "El Flamingo". Like any good 80's film there is a perfect character arc where Dillon's character has to choose if wishes to throw away his long-term future for a short-term gain. It's funny and poignant and has great characters.
This movie made some thirty years ago, perfectly predicted the rise of the FOX News Network. It's uncanny how accurate this film is. The deranged ex-TV anchor Howard Beale - played by Peter Finch is a creepy version of the future Glenn Beck.
Year Zero in the aftermath of the bombing of Cambodia. Follows the path of a Dith Pran (as Dr. Haing S Ngor). Should be a reminder of what happens when you drop bombs on a civilization.
See the movie and then find out the tragic outcome of Dr. Ngor's life in the USA.
In my opinion, this is George Lucas' best movie. It's the last summer night in 1962. The last drive down the boulevard in Modesto, California. Lucas captures the time and tone of that summer night perfectly. It also stars a very young Harrison Ford and Richard Dreyfuss.
Okay here is the premise: Load a truck full of explosive nitroglycerin and get safely to it's destination as quickly as possible - without any safety equipment .. at night. Need I say more?
The best of famed Akira Kurosawa films. The premise may be simple: seven samurai help a poor village plagued by bandits, but it's the incredible characters that keep you watching. Each Samurai is a Jungian archetype, but forget all that .. there is lots of really good sword fighting.
With all the problems with union busting these days, I can't think of a better film to watch that puts it all into perspective. Sally Field is at her best in this movie. She plays a young, single mother fighting da Man to get a union in a cotton mill after her father dies of a neglected heart attack.
I love Albert Brooks who's real name is Albert Einstein and who's brother is Bob Einstein and Bob plays a very funny character named Super Dave Osborne. Got all that? - good. Anyway Albert Brooks is one of my favorite comedians. He introspective yet self-absorbed. He's the perfect straight man.
I like this movie mostly because of what happens in Vegas when Brooks' character finds out his wife, played by Julie Hagerty is a compulsive gambler and lost their "nest egg".
Patton is not my favorite WW II movie; don't get me wrong it is very fine film and George C. Scott does a spot on General George S. Patton. I put Patton on this list because it was Elvis' favorite movie. He knew every line of dialogue in the almost three hour film.
There it is, my list of great nonrequired movies. I kind of enjoyed writing this list. Maybe I will do it again. If you have any suggestions please leave a comment.
I don't really understand some Japanese games. I remember there was a Japanese arcade game where the whole object was to poke a computer character in the butt and this Japanese slot machine (Pachislo) called GeGeGe no Kitaro - based on a boy who lost his eye, lives in a grave yard and fights ghosts.
But the strangest game of all is for the Japanese Wii. It's called Muscle March and as far as I can tell, the object is to run behind body builders and imitate their muscle moves while avoiding running into walls. Anyway you can see the video for yourself.
According to Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, in 1962, the National Tea Co. offered fresh eggs in bottles. The process, which is a secret, stores the shellless eggs without breaking the yolks.
The eggs readily pour out of the bottle one at a time, yolks cushioned by the whites, National Tea claims that refrigerated bottled eggs keep longer than eggs in the shell (six to eight weeks vs. four to six) because the capped bottle offers an airtight seal. - Uncle John's Bathroom Reader pg. 1113
It would seem all you have to do is inject a little food dye and you have a ready made Easter bottle for your Sunday breakfast. This seems a perfect product for Walmart.
When I finally caught up, life seems to have passed me by.
It's seven in the evening the day before Easter. The sun still barely hangs in the sky. Tomorrow, we head over to my father's house for another Easter Sunday and my daughter who is excited about the whole egg hunt will probably be a little less interested next year and maybe just half-heatedly into it the year after.
And this is it. This is the crescendo of the child years. This is me being a kid for a second time in my life. The last real Easter. Maybe, I should tie a string around the hinge of my den door so that when I pass it I'll remember this day - the day before the egg hunt.
I'll soon forget about the string and years later when I'm moving out of this house or maybe when I'm packing up the Maddie's things, I'll see the string and think of this day and this moment.
Things are far from perfect, but they're good enough. Good enough to remember this point - if life were a video game, I'd save it right here even with all the mistakes and missed bonuses. This level is worth playing again.
Tomorrow is the great the hunt and the candy and prizes and eating together and then it will be over and all that will be left is that string tied to the hinge of the door to my den.
As you may know, the EIMB empire has sponsored the naming of Brenda's unborn baby. If it's a boy the name shall be Elvis and if it's a girl we have allowed the name Lisa Marie, after the King's granddaughter.
Recently spied of the EIMB have discovered there's an interloper to this most holy of competitions. Some dude named, Paul has purchased the right to name the baby Stephan. Stephan!!!
My loyal subjects, if you can find five dollars in your wallet, please use Fiverr to purchase another ticket for the name Elvis or Lisa Marie. We must triumph over the evil Paul and remove any statistical chance the baby be named - it's even hard for me to write - Stephan.
Please go and do the King's bidding .. go .. go forth .. go now.
Mary Elizabeth Williams writes in Salon magazine that Dilbert creator and cartoonist Scott Adams has been publicly defending himself by using a "sock-puppet" or fabricated user named "plannedchaos" in public forums.
Mr. Chaos has apparently long been a fan of Adams; Gawker noted Monday that early this year, he was posting on Reddit that "It's fair to say you disagree with Adams. But you can't rule out the hypothesis that you're too dumb to understand what he's saying. And he's a certified genius." How fortunate for Adams there are people in the world not "too dumb" to understand the certified genius. It just happens that they're all Scott Adams. On Friday, the cartoonist admitted on MetaFilter that he and plannedchaos are one and the same. My tie! It's curving upward in astonishment! - Salon magazine
This was all in response to negative responses Adams got from an article he wrote in the Wall Street Journal. In that article Adams writes, ""women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently,"
I find it ironic that Adams has become the very creature he makes fun of in his comic. What kind of narcissist posts that they're a "certified genius" as fake third-person commenter? What is a certified genius anyway?
I've noticed this happens to some successful people. After a while they start to think that every thought that enters their skull is pure genius and must be immediately told to the world. That's when the filters and the self-examination disappear and the ugly little troll of a narcissist's personality is allowed to roam free.
So, congratulations Scott Adams for making a complete jackass of yourself.
Today is my first infusion of a new MS medication called Tysabri. It's kind of dangerous because you can die from a brain virus while you are on it. I'm told the odds are very low like one in a thousand, but to a guy who makes slot machines - dem are scary odds - especially considering I hit two royal flushes in one month.
The infusion center is a basically a large room with a whole bunch of recliner chairs. An old Korean bomber pilot is sitting next to me telling a story how he fell asleep flying a plane from Phoenix to New York. He was awaken by one of the crew somewhere - lost over the Atlantic. They finally were able to get in touch with an air control tower but they could not find the plane on radar. Finally, he had to make a guess and turned west. They landed safely with the engines sputtering from lack of fuel.
I'm the youngest one here. Most are in their 70's and 80's getting cancer treatments. There's the typical variation - one friendly, cordial old guy (the bomber pilot), one grumpy old guy (arguing with the IRS) and one old guy sleeping and snoring loudly.
I have about another hour or so here. The worst part is the boredom. I'm glad I brought the netbook; at least I can get something productive done.
I hate when people have to do that loud, annoying yawn - completely opened mouth. It's the grumpy old man. Now the guy is talking loudly on the phone - about how his drivers are screwing him out of money. Why do you have to do your business here at the center?
This guy won't get off phone. He talks more than a teenage girl waiting in line to see Justin Bieber. Now he's called someone and describing how he read the newspaper. Describing all the things he found in the newspaper. I would have preferred the bomber pilot.
He's called his daughter. He's asking her if the baby's father is still around. Now he wants to take the father to court to get more money for his daughter. The grumpy old man is going make sure the missing father pays twice a week.
This guys is practically on the other side of the room and is talking so loud I can hear him clearly and so can everyone else. We are all giving each other that look like - get a load of this guy. And he doesn't even have MS just some of the markers for MS - they're loading him up on steroids. Maybe that's the problem? Steroid can kind of freak you out - especially if it's your first time.
Now the man has called a friend and is asking the friend if he will be a reference for man's son, who has just got out of prison and is in a half-way house. He's telling the friend that his son has repented of his dastardly ways and is now off drugs and working out.
I guess we all live lives of quiet desperation.
Finally, my infusion is over and I can step out of this room ... thank you for spending my infusion with me .. see you on the other end.
Although I'm generally against the government telling people how to spend their money, Online poker has many problems with bots, interceptors, ring play and other cheating schemes. This is especially true in higher denominations.
The only safe way to gamble online at this time is on sporting events and horse/dog racing.
The only reason the government shut these sites down is because there's no tax revenue going to the state or federal government.
9,999 visitors only need one more loyal subject to push our kingdom over the top.
***UPDATE*** Just went over the top of 10k. I feel like I'm in that movie Social Network .. except I celebrating over the amount of visitors Facebook gets in one minute.
Thank you all for pushing EIMB over the top .. now on to 50k.
On Fiverr - A commerce site where people will do just about anything for five buck, there's a woman who will let you name her unborn child for five bucks. Of course I had to get in on it - so for five dollars I've requested the baby be named - (no surprise here) Elvis.
I will update you, my loyal subjects as events progress.
I'm not a big fan of Lego art sculptures. I mean I totally understand that it must take a really long time to build and some of the sculptures take incredible talent to create. I don't know what it is .. I think it's the pixelation that freaks me out. But I stumbled upon a fantastic life-size Lego Batman. Maybe this one masterpiece in Lego bricks will change my mind.
Picture from Comic Alliance - used here under "fair use"
I'm not an expert in classical music. I like to listen to it and I know some of the German / Austrian composers. You know the famous ones like Mozart, Beethoven, Bach and Handel. I watched Amadeus - Great movie. But to tell you the truth, the people who follow classical music create a barrier for the casual listener to enjoy it.
It's a painful experience to strike up a conversation with one of these classical geeks at a cocktail party. Almost immediately they have to prove how much more cultured and educated they are. And how unworthy you are of enjoying this music. I remember a particularly unpleasant experience with a German-born violinist. I incorrectly said the name of a Mozart song and she actually turned her nose up at me and said, "This is why we do not approve of an American education." I should have given her the Three Stooges, Two Finger Poker.
The reason I tell you all this is because I recently listen to an incredible composition and it has an interesting back-story. And if I mess up the back-story I apologize in advance - you can blame it on my lack of culture and American education.
The composition is titled: Harold en Italie (Harold in Italy) by Hector Berlioz. I've never heard of Berlioz until just a couple of days ago.
Niccolo' Paganini (who I did know of) was a very famous violinist. Paganini had just obtained a Stradivariusviola, and if you know anything about instruments, a Stradivarius is like the Cadillac of violas and violins. Paganini didn't want to play any old jig on the instrument saying; he wanted to play the greatest of all songs and asked the composer Hector Berlioz to create it, " "But I have no suitable music. Would you like to write a solo for viola? You are the only one I can trust for this task."
Hector was totally stoked and immediately began work on the composition. Supposedly the music is based on Lord Byron's poem Childe Harold's Pilgrimage. When Hector finished the composition, he showed it to Paganini who didn't like it at all and told Hector it wasn't worthy of his Stradivarius.
Hector was undaunted by Paganini's rejection and decided to complete the work and on November 23rd, 1834, Harold en Italie premiered to standing ovations. It was a wild success.
Paganini did not get around to hearing the concert until some four years later but when he did, Paganini was so overwhelmed with admiration, he dragged Berlioz onto the stage "and there knelt and kissed his hand before a wildly cheering audience and applauding musicians. A few days later he sent Berlioz a letter of congratulations, enclosing a bank draft for 20,000 francs." - Wikipedia.
Somewhere I heard that 20k francs at that time would equal around 80k dollars today.
There's lesson in there somewhere, but I leave it to you to figure it out. But for right now .. push play and enjoy the music the great violin player Paganini got down on his knees and paid 80 grand for.
I've had the goal of reaching 10k visitors and soon that goal will be accomplished. I've been thinking about expanding this blog by encapsulating it into WordPress. This would give me the opportunity to create individual pages and themes; as well as offer other types of gadgets and features.
I've used WordPress before and I'm familiar with CSS and HTML; so I don't think it's beyond my abilities. However, the site right now is manageable and easy to update every day. My MS has gotten worse and so I'm not able to do as much.
All of this means, I think I'll keep the original format for a while and set a new goal of 50k. Maybe then I'll change up the formatting.
Thank you - all of my loyal subjects.
Ps. I've added Google AdSense and Amazon advertising. I have no hopes of making any money from this (although I appreciate any clicks I can get). This was done more for additional tracking stats than anything else. This site is still and probably always will be self-funded.
If you just can't get enough Zelda and I know there are still a few of you out there that can't, STLOcarina has created the ultimate 12 hold Zelda Ocarina. That's right 12 holes baby! I really didn't know what an Ocarina was until I stumbled upon the STLOcarina site. According to Wikipedia, and Ocarina:
The ocarina ( /ɒkəˈriːnə/) is an ancient flute-like wind instrument. Variations do exist, but a typical ocarina is an enclosed space with four to twelve finger holes and a mouthpiece that projects from the body. It is often ceramic, but other materials may also be used, such as plastic, wood, glass, clay, and metal. - Wikipedia
STLOcarina offers a variety of Zelda instruments ranging in price from a hundred bucks to a plastic version that costs $28.00. There's even a Zelda music book.
I'm an old gamer. So old in fact, I was there at the very start of video and computer games. I played Pong and Space Wars in the pinball arcades. I owned an Apple IIe, an Atari 2600, and even a cherry red Famicom.
It's kind of sad that the history of video game development in Las Vegas has mostly been forgotten. Hardly anyone now-a-days realizes that at least two major video game genres originated in Las Vegas. The inklings of modern day FPS (First Person Shooters) and RTS (Real-Time Strategies) were developed in Las Vegas and I make the argument that flight simulators got their start here with an old PC game called DragonStrike.
Back in the early 80's there were three high schools in Las Vegas that had advanced computer programming and math labs: Bonanza, Clark and Western. It started around 1980 before there were any PC's in schools. I call it the "Univac Wars". Students from each high school spent hours trying to hack into the school district's Univac system and take down the other school's access. A few student were also creating ascii-text games on the system.
There was no real sense of security back then. You have to remember enthusiasm for computers in the 80's was about the same as it is now for say, ham radios. No one cared .. and unlike today, the math teachers who ran the labs had almost free rein to do whatever they wanted. It was beautiful.
Mr. V who ran Bonanza's computer lab and taught calculus was a disgruntled Vietnam vet. He basically let us do whatever we wanted, unless it was illegal with the computers. Mr. V even had his own school club. The club met once a year for the school picture and everyone was vice president unless they didn't want to be. It was called the Bonanza Sophistic and Rhetoric Society - The BSeRS. The BSeRS even had a Homecoming float. It was an green painted plank with brown balloons stacked in a pile with a student wearing bull horns sitting on top of the balloons.
If you're wondering where all the creativity and engineering talent has gone, then look no further than the security and procedural mandates of schools. When a kid can get expelled for installing a second OS - Linux or detention for downloading Firefox onto a school computer, you know the days of innovation are over.
In 1982, Bonanza got it's first Apple II and it had one program on it called Lemonade Stand. It wasn't long before all of the dudes had the latest in Apple games like: Wolfenstien, Apple Maniacs and Choplifter. There was also a huge desire to program your own game and out do each other in game play and sophistication.
These programmers and math geeks from these three high schools eventually combined together to form Westwood Associates.
In the beginning, around the mid-80's, when video and computer games were just starting out, it was a pretty simple formula. A small group of guys (sometimes a girl: Roberta Williams) got together, threw a ball around and came up with a game concept. Then those same guys along with some artists, writers and a musician or two got busy and programed the game. The finished game was delivered to the publisher and the published made a whole bunch of copies and sold them to stores.
That was it really. Nothing more to it and guess what, games sold and sometimes they sold millions of copies without much advertising or marketing. Games like Mario Brothers, Pac Mac, Tetris and Zelda. Then what happens whenever there's money involved happened. People who either didn't have any idea what a video game was or hated video games got involved in the industry. Human Resources, Legal, Accounting, Advertising, Project Managers and Marketing.
Like I said, these people for the most part hated games - the one who loved computer games but couldn't create them went to work for Q&A and Test. The only reason the above got involved was because there was money, they got a degree in marketing or business and they couldn't get a job at IBM or Morgan Stanley.
Because of this total lack of interest and complete disdain for the product, there have been some spectacular failures in game demonstrations, presentations and E3 events. I present a few here for your cringing entertainment.
" After touting its new High School Musical karaoke game, the host asked for two "volunteers" to demonstrate. These clearly planted actors pretended to be novices, struggling wit the microphones and looking confused. Then, as soon as the music started, they began belting out the number like Broadway veterans. All hell broke loose as dozens of dancers dressed as cheerleaders flooded the aisles, throwing beach balls and inciting the crowd to join in." Game Informer (don't know the date cause GI is not smart enough to put the date on the magazine)
Here's the embarrassing video:
Wii Music for Gifted Children
Ever wish a game could make you look like an uncoordinated, spastic loser? Then welcome to Wii Music drum demo. See, when you really don't understand how the game works, nor do you care - then you fail to see the importance of testing out the product before the demonstration.
Jeff Bell - A legend in his own mind.
Former VP of Marketing for Microsoft, Jeff Bell is the classic marketing guy. First you have to have an ego as big as the Grand Canyon, but have very little talent for designing or creating the actual product. So, that the first thing you think about when you get up on stage is .. "I got to make me look good." rather than "Can I make the product look good."
In this video, Jeff Bell is demonstrating Madden 08 with Reggie Bush at the 2008 E3 show. Remember, Jeff wants himself to look good so he's got to say the most up-to-date, pimped out words, Dog.
Here Jeff is doing a mock interview with the Microsoft marketing team for the dialog wheel in Mass Effect. Realize that Jeff is not a designer; also, comedy comes from certain vulnerability within the comedian, but when you think you're "all-that" then it's impossible to be funny other than in a sort of pitiful Hasselhoff way.
The Other Kennedy
When you don't care about the game or the company then you hire other people who don't care about video games or the customer. This was never more apparent than when Jamie Kennedy hosted the Activision press conference at 2007 E3
I'm not saying that all marketing is bad. Strangely enough many marketing people in the casino industry like gambling and have an understanding of the customer's wants and needs. This is definitely not happening in video games. Especially when some marketing dude tries to slog a horrible game idea like "Hello Kitty" combined with "The Sims" down a developer's throat.
I'm a third generation Las Vegan. My parents met each other at Las Vegas High School (Wildcats). Back in the 60's and 70's if you got three hundred meters outside of the Strip, Vegas was really just a strange kind of cowboy town. There were lots of ranch-style houses, dusty mobile homes and cynderblock castles.
Sure there were the European and East Coast style mansions in Rancho Circle and Scotch-80's. But these were owned by casino executives from Chicago and Detroit. Everywhere else Las Vegas looked a lot like Tucson, St. George or Phoenix.
Then in the mid-80's the Snowbirds moved in. These were retirees from northern states who wanted to escape the cold, the gloom and the children. They nested in great gated communities, with Wackenhut guard stations and expansive golf courses. Their kingdoms ruled by HOA committees. Snowbirds represented the slow death of Las Vegas.
Now all you see is cookie-cutter houses that all look the same with the same plants and the same colors, but if you look hard enough in the backwoods of Vegas you can still spot some of the unique characters that still inhabit this town.
Another rock pile idol
Saguaro cactus made from telephone poles
A flying trapeze in someone's backyard.
Trivia- In the song "Mickey" by Tony Basil, the cheerleader uniform she is wearing is from Las Vegas High School. She attended LVHS and was a cheerleader.
2010-2011 Copyright Cram, Kmuzu - No reproduction or publication or modification without my written consent. If you want to use any of the picture just send me an email, I'm pretty accommodating.
An article in the Huffington Post called, "Dutch Superbus" reminded me of a great spoof movie made in the 70's called,"The Big Bus". It was about a nuclear powered bus that makes a non-stop trip from New York to Denver. A mysterious, criminal organization called "The Oil Lobby" tries to sabotage the bus with a number of different schemes. You know the plot .. the same as Airplane.
The protagonist is the driver named "Shoulders" (John Beck) He's unfortunately a narcoleptic. It's like Airplane but better in a bad way. There are number of famous character actors in the movie like, Stockard Channing, Ned Beatty (who plays Shorty Scotty) and Larry Hagman (who plays the Parking Lot Doctor).
Trivia from IMDB - On the news van that appears near the beginning of the film, the call letters are WZAZ. These call letters also appear in many comedies from what's known as the "ZAZ" team - Jerry Zucker, Jim Abrahams, David Zucker - though they had nothing to do with this film.
According to TechSpot, Dish Network purchased bankrupt Blockbuster for $228 million in cash. I have Dish as my cable provider. I love Dish's programming schedule and the variety of shows it offers. And no I have no financial interest nor do I get any discount from Dish.
I wonder what new services Dish is going to provide now that it owns Blockbuster? I can only imagine that they're going to provide a service that is similar to NetFlix. Dish also has agreements with Logittech and Google TV and has SlingBox technology .. so a fully integrated and searchable program provider may be on the way.
Dish might use Blockbuster's online content as a base for an online product to deliver movies, but competition is only getting tougher in this space.- TechSpot
In any case, I think this is a great move on Dish's part. Can't wait to see the new features.
As many of you know one of my pastimes is improv. There's a local improv group here in Las Vegas and they have a small show every Monday night at the Onxy Theater. The whole production called Improv-Vegas is run by a really cool chick name Amy Pittle.
Today, I saw on TBS a commercial for a new improv show hosted by Drew Carey (Who's Line is it Anyway) called Improv-A-Ganza on the Game Show Network. It looks like a lot of the old members from WLITA are back. Except for Wayne Brady .. I'm not seeing any clips of him - maybe Wayne's too big for improv.
Drew Carey has lost a lot of weight almost didn't recognize him and so has Kathy Kinney who played Mimi Bobeck on the Drew Carey Show and is also one of the improv actors.
Improv-A-Ganza is showing weeknights 8 & 11pm - Starting this Monday, April 11th on the GSN
My wife and family took me out to Hushpuppy for all-you-can-eat crab legs. It just so happens this is the last night Hushpuppy will be having Crab Leg Monday, after 26 years. There are so many stories to tell from that restaurant. I will have to go into it in another post.
Anyway, I enjoyed the crab and family and now for a little Happy Birthday song to myself.
Today is my birthday and in honor of this day I thought I would give myself some happy birthday palindromes. The reason for the plethora of palindromes is my name is a one - Marc Cram.
Here are some of my favorites:
As I pee, sir, I see Pisa!
May a moody baby doom a yam.
Eva, can I stab bats in a cave?
Yo, banana boy! T. Eliot, top bard, notes putrid tang emanating, is sad. I'd assign it a name: gnat dirt upset on drab pot-toilet.
Go hang a salami; I'm a lasagna hog.
Drat Saddam, a mad dastard!
There's a "Yreka Bakery" in Yreka California. This is somewhere I definitely have to go.
The most famous palindrome (other than me) is "Madam, I'm Adam."
Surprisingly there are other Marc Cram - there are even two of us that live here in Las Vegas. I've been in contact with a few of them from time to time.
My theory is that we're all evil clones of a Elvis.
To end this rambling tribute to myself I present the longest palindrome by Dan Hoey
A man, a plan, a caret, a ban, a myriad, a sum, a lac, a liar, a hoop, a pint, a catalpa, a gas, an oil, a bird, a yell, a vat, a caw, a pax, a wag, a tax, a nay, a ram, a cap, a yam, a gay, a tsar, a wall, a car, a luger, a ward, a bin, a woman, a vassal, a wolf, a tuna, a nit, a pall, a fret, a watt, a bay, a daub, a tan, a cab, a datum, a gall, a hat, a fag, a zap, a say, a jaw, a lay, a wet, a gallop, a tug, a trot, a trap, a tram, a torr, a caper, a top, a tonk, a toll, a ball, a fair, a sax, a minim, a tenor, a bass, a passer, a capital, a rut, an amen, a ted, a cabal, a tang, a sun, an ass, a maw, a sag, a jam, a dam, a sub, a salt, an axon, a sail, an ad, a wadi, a radian, a room, a rood, a rip, a tad, a pariah, a revel, a reel, a reed, a pool, a plug, a pin, a peek, a parabola, a dog, a pat, a cud, a nu, a fan, a pal, a rum, a nod, an eta, a lag, an eel, a batik, a mug, a mot, a nap, a maxim, a mood, a leek, a grub, a gob, a gel, a drab, a citadel, a total, a cedar, a tap, a gag, a rat, a manor, a bar, a gal, a cola, a pap, a yaw, a tab, a raj, a gab, a nag, a pagan, a bag, a jar, a bat, a way, a papa, a local, a gar, a baron, a mat, a rag, a gap, a tar, a decal, a tot, a led, a tic, a bard, a leg, a bog, a burg, a keel, a doom, a mix, a map, an atom, a gum, a kit, a baleen, a gala, a ten, a don, a mural, a pan, a faun, a ducat, a pagoda, a lob, a rap, a keep, a nip, a gulp, a loop, a deer, a leer, a lever, a hair, a pad, a tapir, a door, a moor, an aid, a raid, a wad, an alias, an ox, an atlas, a bus, a madam, a jag, a saw, a mass, an anus, a gnat, a lab, a cadet, an em, a natural, a tip, a caress, a pass, a baronet, a minimax, a sari, a fall, a ballot, a knot, a pot, a rep, a carrot, a mart, a part, a tort, a gut, a poll, a gateway, a law, a jay, a sap, a zag, a fat, a hall, a gamut, a dab, a can, a tabu, a day, a batt, a waterfall, a patina, a nut, a flow, a lass, a van, a mow, a nib, a draw, a regular, a call, a war, a stay, a gam, a yap, a cam, a ray, an ax, a tag, a wax, a paw, a cat, a valley, a drib, a lion, a saga, a plat, a catnip, a pooh, a rail, a calamus, a dairyman, a bater, a canal--Panama.
