Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Elvis' Toothbrush

Big changes are coming to the EIMB empire. Big changes .. So, while I'm working on that, I thought I would post a story from the holy tombs of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader.

If you're not familiar with the great works of Uncle John then your bathroom is missing a vital piece of pleasure. All of Uncle John's books are filled with interesting trivia, bizarre but true stories and all kinds of puzzles and riddles. No home should be without at least one ... I have about seven.

Elvis' Toothbrush 

A bizarre but true tale of fan weirdness from the book, How to Meet the Stars, by Missy Laws. Published by Ross Books, CA.

The Scenario: A rabid Elvis fan called "Sir Mordrid" and two women were visiting Las Vegas. A celebrity they met in a casino invited them to "meet my good friend Elvis."

The four of them went to the Hilton Hotel, where Elvis was performing two shows nightly. They entered the backstage area and confronted a mob. Sir Mordrid could feel the pounding of his heart as he grew nearer to the superstar's private dressing room.

Because he had an enormous collection of Elvis memorabilia and attended a vast quantity of his concerts, Sir Mordrid considered himself to be the number one fan of the legendary performer.

Upon seeing Elvis, Sir Mordrid began to feel dizzy and got sweaty palms. In order to hide his nervous behavior, he headed for a table of food in the corner. Nonstop, he crammed lobster, finger sandwiches, and strawberries into his mouth. Between bites, he could see across the room where [the celebrity] was introducing the two girls to Elvis.

"Where's Sir Mordrid?" [the celebrity] questioned. But upon noticing Sir Mordrid hunched over the snack table, he continued, "Sir Mordrid, come on over. I want to introduce you to Elvis."

Panic struck Sir Mordrid as he almost chocked on an entire sandwich. Hesitantly, he walked over to the idol.

Sir Mordrid meekly said, "Hi," but then, without giving Elvis a chance to speak, he chattered on, attempting to cover his anxiety. The only thing he could think of to say was a joke that he had learned the previous day. Elvis quietly listened, certain that there must be some significace to the joke if this guy insisted on telling it at what seemed to be such an inappropriate time.

Sir Mordrid told the joke and, staring at Elvis, asked him if he knew what the punchline was.

Smiling, the Elvis answered, "What?"

Suddenly, Sir Mordrid was so absorbed in his own feelings of anxiety that he couldn't remember the punchline. He panicked. He could feel the lobster, finger sandwiches and strawberries threatening to come up.

He broke away from the singer and muttered, "Excuse me."

He sprinted towards a gentleman standing near the doorway. He pleaded, "Do you know where the rest room is? I feel really sick!"

"The man pointed to Elvis' private bathroom and said, "I think it's in there." Although it was obvious that this was designated as an exclusive chamber for only Elvis, Sir Mordrid ignored this minor detail as he hurled himself inside, slamming and locking the door.

While Sir Mordrid expelled every bit of food from his stomach there was a knock. A voice firmly called, "I'm sorry, but you're not allowed in there."

Sir Mordrid ignored this remark. After several minutes of screaming and banging on the door, the man stopped trying to get Sir Mordrid out of the rest room.

Sir Mordrid stood in silence and noticed a disgusting taste in his mouth. Glancing at the sink, he saw a clear, oblong box engraved with the initials "E.P." Inside was a toothbrush. A tube of toothpaste rested behind it.

After checking to make sure the door was indeed locked, he brushed his teeth with his idol's personal toothbrush. Afterward he dried it off and replaced it exactly as he had found it. He returned to the party, but kept his distance from Elvis the rest of the evening.

Elvis Fact
For one stretch of two years, the singer reportedly ate nothing but meat loaf, mashed potatoes and tomatoes.

Yes, big changes are on the way .. so there might be some filler in the EIMB until the big new launch.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please keep everything PG or under or else I'll sick Elvis on you.