Friday, September 9, 2011

That Fool's Blog

Marc the Fool
Lately, I've been getting that feeling I need to be more serious. I don't know what it is? It's kind of self-conscious meets fear of failure. Usually I'm not afraid of taking risks.

But every once in while - doubt and perfectionism creep in. I start to dread the snark of others. I feel like people are watching what I'm doing - ready to judge and criticize me. I just imagine one of my old classmates saying, "Oh God, did you see the picture he posted on Facebook or I can't believe how stupid that story was."
"In fact, psychologists use the term “imaginary audience” to describe this heightened state of vigilance that is especially strong during adolescence. An imaginary audience is this belief that we have a group or followers that are watching, dissecting, and judging our every move. But the keyword here is “imagined.”
You are not the center of the universe. Nobody really cares about your every move. Nobody is watching, and if they happen to be, they are far less concerned with what you are doing and much more focused on what YOU are thinking about them. That’s the irony of this. You think you are so important that everyone cares what you do, when in fact, everyone is so preoccupied with themselves that they don’t even notice or care what you are doing. - Pick the Brain
I'm sure there's some evolutionary / survival purpose for this feeling, but it certainly gets in the way of experimenting or trying new stuff.

I hate those experts who tell you just to trudge on - fake it till you make it. That seems like a dime's worth of advice to solve a dollar's worth of problems. Usually for me, this feeling stems from something much deeper. Most times there's something more substantial that is shaking my security and making me feel more exposed and less safe. This carries over to my creativity. Makes me just want to shut down and give up.

It's dealing with these bigger issues that I have a problem with.

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