Kmuzu Mustache

Some of my loyal EiMB have asked what I looked like with a mustache .. so here it is ..

Still have not finished Phantom Crapper Part II .. so enjoy this instead ..

Lunch Money

The Phantom Crapper - Part One - ScribeSlice

 This is part one ..

The Phantom Crapper - Part One - ScribeSlice

This is a true Las Vegas story. In the summer of 1982, I was a lifeguard for the Riviera Hotel & Casino and a public pool called Cragen, which was next to Hyde Park Junior High School, near Valley View and Charleston. The Riviera gig was pretty awesome. I met rock stars like Steve Perry and Andy Gibb and made more money in tips in one summer than my mother made all year as an elementary school teacher. The public pool gig was not as much fun or glamorous.  How do I put this? Large groups of children are loathsome, disgusting creatures that smell like rusted pennies.

At the city pool, Tuesday was Daycare Day. This is where convoys of short buses filled to the roof with screaming children pull up to the gate entrance and like a garbage truck dump them into the murky, chlorinated waters of the shallow end. The pool was writhing with twisting, squirming, thrashing bodies. It looked like throngs of eels mating on the National Geographic Channel. 

You can read the whole story for free - just click here --->  The Phantom Crapper - Part One - ScribeSlice

Part II should be ready in a couple of days ...

God Question

This comic kind of blows the CSS borders, but when you're talking about God, I think it's worth it. As I said before I'm an agnostic - which means I don't have any answers, but I have a lot of questions.

Typical French Wine

Copyright 2012 Cram/Kmuzu

I've been feeling like French wine lately.

Valentine Warning

I shall give unto you a Valentine **Warning**. Be extremely careful of Lawn Gnomes - especially this time of year. I can hear y'all saying, "Garden Gnomes - dem cute little statues me Nan puts in da garden?"

YES! .. like many things we do in the modern world, we have no idea of their roots. And Garden Gnomes are the most dangerous and ancient of them all. Before the great Roman Emperor Constantine established the Catholic Church, Romans worshiped a terrible God named Priapus. He was the god of fertility. More to the point, he was the act of fertilization.

To the Romans, sex was all the same - humans, animals, plants .. even gods and Priapus was over it all baby .. yea .. So down and dirty were the Romans about this god, I could only find one picture suitable to post .. and that is from the waste up. I can hear you asking, "Well, that's all fine and good, but where do the lawn gnomes come in?" According to Brian Sewell, famed British art critic and historian .. lawn gnomes were originally little statues of Priapus, that pagans put in their garden to increase fertility.

At night the little god become very lascivious and would go around and start .. doing the "wild thang" with .. well .. everything .. remember the Romans did not see a difference .. Now I have to be careful here .. this is the dangerous part .. When a female was a certain age and a virgin, she was encouraged to go at night and see the gnome. The little creature, who was the embodiment of Priapus wore a special hat that was pointed at the top. Now I will go no further, but I think it might now become evident why lawn gnomes have red hats ..

So BEWARE!! It's all fine a well for our Nannas to have these creatures in their gardens .. but not all of us should partake in this ancient magic .. even if we do like a good crop of cucumbers ...

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentine's Day .. My own little comic .. called Death (by chocolate) Star.

Copyright 2012 Cram/Kmuzu. All rights reserved.

Giorgio Theory

I'm not necessarily saying that aliens were behind this, 

but aliens were behind this.

Giorgio A. Tsoukalo Bio

Cargo Cults and us.

Lately I've been fascinated with Cargo Cults. During WWII, American and British military established airfields on Pacific islands where primitive natives tribes lived. The tribes had no knowledge of manufacturing and saw these wondrous giant birds that landed on their island and delivered gifts of food and technology. When the war ended, the troops left and so did the gifts. Years later, anthropologist discovered that some of these tribes had built elaborate airfields out of bamboo and coconuts to entice the gods back again. You can still see these bamboo control towers and hangers today.

I often wonder if we as Americans live in a sort of Cargo Cult. That what is happening around us is more sophisticated than we can understand. And that we assume certain things are true just by observation and perception. In fact, all of it is an intentional misinterpretation of reality.

 More on Cargo Cults - John Frum

Motivating Cats

Okay, I'm driving my daughter to school and this enormously fat, grey cat bounds across the street, in front of my bumper and then to the sidewalk on the other side. Of course I immediately stop and the cat is fine. But when I start up again the cat starts running beside me. If I slow down the cat slows down; If I speed up the cat speeds up ... So, I stop and the cat stops - just sitting there.

I need to be clear, the cat is on the sidewalk - at least two meters to the side and about four meters in front of my car. I am in no way chasing the cat. But I gotta get my kid to school - so I'm like screw it and speed the car up to about 15 mph and the cat takes off in front. And I figure the cat needs exercise and I need to get to get going; so it's kind of win / win right?

We (the cat and I) get to an intersection and I think the cat is going to take a hard right and go up the other street - nope - the cat crosses the street and continues running. ... block and block after block. For about 3/4 of a mile.

Let me stress that I am NOT chasing the cat .. I was kind of motivating the cat .. sorta .. did I mention the cat was really fat. So slowly the cat is losing ground to the car until finally it just stops - okay collapses on the sidewalk.

I'm not telling you this as some sort of confession. I don't feel guilty (okay I feel a little guilty and a bit shameful) .. I am telling you this because if for some reason in the middle of the night, if I am attacked by some mysterious creature and all the authorities find of me is bloody scraps .. y'all know who the real culprit is ..

Elvis is Back in the Blog

Well, had a bad round with MS over the winter break .. but feeling better .. so look for more post on the great EiMB network soon .. like tomorrow .. really.